3 secrets for more effective communication

Did you know that effective business communication is one of the key indicators of financial performance and employee engagement engine? (According to the 2009/2010 Towers Watson ROI Study Report)
Did you know that adequate communication helps maintain good mental health? (Based on studies from CMHA – Canadian Mental Health Association)
Why communicate effectively?
• To get what you need or want
• To reduce stress and anxiety (especially compared to unspoken ones)
• To prevent, reduce or resolve conflicts
• To improve the quality of your life
• To create healthy and authentic relationships
What are the criteria for effective and authentic communication?
• Express yourself clearly and quickly
• Focus on behavior and not the person
• Reflects what the transmitter really feels
• Do not assume that the other will change; it is the receiver who has the control of the change
And now, the 3 secrets:
1- Be congruent
According to a study by UCLA psychology professor Albert Mehrabian, 55% of communication goes through physiology, 37% by voice and only 7% by words. When talking about a phone call, 82% of the message goes by the voice and 18% by the words. Hence the importance of aligning one’s verbal language with one’s nonverbal language. There is incongruence when verbal and nonverbal do not say the same thing.
What is the consequence? Confusion in the message
What is the predominant message? The nonverbal one is the one that is considered to be the true.
If for example, I ask you to scratch your elbow and I scratch my shoulder, chances are high that you would scratch your shoulder as I did rather than scratch your elbow as I do I said.
To make yourself understood, to pass on your message and to guarantee its authenticity, be congruent, that is to say, make sure that your verbal is in agreement with your nonverbal. (Congruent comes from the congruent Latin word meaning “I agree.”)
2- Meet each other in his model of the world
What does that mean? Adopt the way of understanding the other person and meet her on her ground.
This principle creates a good interpersonal relationship. Moreover, by putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes, we are more likely to communicate so as to make ourselves understood.
How to do it? By listening first: yes, by listening to the voice of our interlocutor, his language, his words and also by observing his gestures and his behaviors. Then, adapting to his model. By changing the way we communicate information without compromising the authenticity of our communication.
For example :
If you talk to a child and he is smaller than you, squat down to your level.
If you talk to someone who is standing up and sitting, get up.
If you talk to someone who speaks slowly and slowly, slow down your flow and turn down the volume.
Maybe you already do it naturally and unconsciously, especially when everything is fine. When you realize that you have more difficulty communicating with someone, become aware of what you are doing and adjust accordingly.
3- Do not assume that your perceptions represent the reality
People tend to interpret according to their perceptions, to form an opinion or to understand each other according to their filters, their history, their experiences, their limits. The other also expresses himself or acts in relation to his own perceptions.
As a receiver, do not interpret or make assumptions, do not jump to conclusions. When information does not seem clear to you, ask questions. Even when you think it’s clear, rephrase to make sure you understand. Your contact will feel listened to and understood, and your report will be better.
When speaking, make sure your communication does not contain judgment, interpretation, generalization, or blame. Say, “In this morning’s meeting, I noticed that you spoke for 40 minutes and the others had only the remaining 20 minutes” rather than “In our meetings, you always talk too much.”
I leave you on the axiom of the impossibility of the anthropologist and psychologist Gregory Bateson: “We can not not communicate” …

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